When I lived for a year on my grandfather Thomas' farm, at Churchill, Ontario, in the early 50s, he would come into the house during the winter and say: "It's as cold as a witch's heart out there". Yesterday, I walked to the post office and it was minus 15 celsius -- minus 25 wind chill! I couldn't help but think of Sid Thomas. Later in the day, I was watching Global News and its weather report didn't even mention actual temperatures. Instead, they reported wind chill numbers only. Has it come to that? Do television stations have to sensationalize not just the hard news of the day, but also the temperature? Before they get too carried away, I want to announce I have created my own ultra-sensational temperature factor. I take the temperature in degrees celsius, factor in the wind chill, the snow I have to shovel in centimetres, my increased body temperature because of the lousy cold I have, and the number of days until spring. This means that yesterday actually felt like minus 96 celsius. Let's see, that would make it as a cold as...hmmmm...a polar bear's butt?...a Steven Harper smile?...a Dalton McGuinty promise?...a Toronto Maple Leafs winning streak? Oh, the hell with it. Who am I to try to improve on my grandfather's perfectly good aphorism.
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